


Words To Live By

by Charlie9646



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Aged up Luna Lovegood, Death due to old age, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Good Severus Snape, Grey Dumbledore, Mental Illness, Parents, Soulmate AU, all of age
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-20
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:48:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22327378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Charlie9646/pseuds/Charlie9646
Summary: The words on Severus’s arm haunted him. He would die with regrets, if he got together with his soulmate that is.The words seared into his heart and onto his very soul ”I wish I had been truly worthy of your love.”The only more heart-shattering than the words on his arm? Was that of the words on Lily’s she would likely die of an unnatural cause protecting whoever this ”Harry” was.But, even on the darkest night there still can be a little light.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Severus Snape/Luna Lovegood
Comments: 12
Kudos: 55
Collections: Hermione's Nook RarePair Soulmate Fest





	Words To Live By

Severus had been haunted since childhood by the words on his arm. The words that had been carved into his heart, “I wish I had been truly worthy of your love.” He knew as soon as he could understand what those words actually meant they tainted his life. No matter how hard he tried, no matter how he lived he was not going to be worthy of the love of his soulmate.

Lily’s words were“I love you, we have to keep Harry safe”.

If they were soulmates it was an extremely odd conversation. It made no sense. As much as he wanted her to be his soulmate Severus was no fool and decided quite early into their friendship; it was better to her friend then lose her because he could not let her go.

When Severus saw the words on James Potter’s arm of all people it horrified him. Not just because of the fact it seemed like he was Lily’s soulmate, but the might mean they were going to die of an unnatural cause. It said, ”I will hold him off, I love you and Harry.”

Who was this Harry?

Severus learned who Harry was when he was nineteen years old. He was a marked death eater, and has been thinking about the idea reaching out to the order or maybe even the ministry. The letter was carried by an eagle owl, that looked like Potter’s, though the letter likely was from Lily, Potter had no interest in speaking to him.

He ripped open the envelope and saw that it was an invite to a baby shower. It said Mr. and Mrs. Potter welcomes Harry James Potter.

Well, that answered that question. Who Harry was and he would be anything that the death eaters we're who the couple was protecting their son from. He sent an owl to Albus Dumbledore to set up a meeting. In for a penny in for a pound. He might regret this, but the threads of fate we're not yet set in stone, or at least he hoped not.

****************************

Looking back hindsight is twenty-twenty and looking back there was nothing Severus could do to stop fate. His actions had only led him to be a spy for Dumbledore, and then it led to him killing the man. It led to him giving those memories, his memories to Potter. He had thought he was going to die that day, without the words on his arms being spoken, on the dirty floor of the shrieking shack.

Remus Lupin stood over him muttering to himself as if the man was considering simply turning on his heel and walking away. Part of him hoped that was true, but Severus knew he wasn't going to die today. For better but more likely for the worst.

Lupin said, ”There has to be more to your story, Severus, then you're letting on.”

The darkness blanketed Severus, drowning out the noises around him, the sights and life itself.

**************************

It could have been minutes, hours, days or even months for all Severus knew had passed. He blinked, Luna Lovegood was sitting at his bedside. The woman had been one of his first students. He was barely older than she was. She was sixteen when he started teaching. Unlike most of his students, she had felt no need to cause trouble. No need to regularly remind him that they remembered when he was a student. When he was being bullied by Potter.

That they're angry, sullen, sometimes downright cruel professor had just been like them, once. Maybe even worse than most of them. They remembered the boy with the greasy hair, the large nose, the too big yet also too short uniform. They reminded him he was just as worthless, just as wretched as he had always been. Only now he was the teacher that they made fun of not their peer that they bullied.

Luna was a strange girl and now she was a strange woman. She talked about things that regularly made no sense. On his first day of teaching, she told him that the wrackspurts were causing his sadness, and making him believe that he was the cause of his friend’s suffering.

Severus simply laughed it off, silly girl, she should have been in Hufflepuff with thoughts like that, not Ravenclaw.

He remembered the day she stood outside of his class barefoot as if it was yesterday, the way she reminded him of how he used to feel. She may be looney, but no one, not anyone deserved to feel like that.

A Slytherin boy had stolen her shoes, she said.

So he asked her, ”What about your other pairs?”

Her answer, ”My other pair my dormmates stole.”

He didn't bother to ask her why they stole her shoes, he understood far too well why they would do such a thing. The answer was simply because they could. It was simple as the sun rose and set. It just happened. Children, part of what made him hate the whole lot of them tended to pick on and hurt who they deemed weaker than themselves.

Severus said to her softly, ”Well I believe I can get them back for you if you would like, that is.”

Luna nodded, and off he went to put the fear of Merlin into his students, or better yet the fear of himself. They would remember the lesson they learned well, he would make sure of that.

Dumbledore insisted when he had heard that his potion’s professor had done such a thing, that he does not repeat such actions. That it was dangerous, that it would make the death eaters outside of Azkaban question his loyalty to the dark lord. That all they have done would be for nothing. That he was by being kind to his students he was risking Harry Potter’s life.

It was utter total bullshit, helping a student who was downright disliked by her fellow classmates, that had the few items she owned stolen... He rarely disagreed with the headmaster by on this they would never be able to come to a middle ground.

Severus’s solution was to do his best to ignore the Ravenclaw for the rest of her time at Hogwarts. He would not add to her suffering, but he would not ruin his chance to bring down the monster who killed Lily.

Most people would not understand, most teenagers would think he was being just as bad as the rest. But, Luna stayed in his classroom at the end of class one afternoon and said, ”I know why we can't be friends, Professor Snape, but one day I hope we can be.”

He simply nodded, unable to voice his feelings for fear someone who shouldn't know his true allegiance would hear. With that, she was gone and he no longer looked forward to any of his classes.

***************************

Severus said, ”Why are you here Luna, why didn't you stay away from the battle, and stay safe?”

Luna said, ”Because, Severus, soulmates are supposed to be together in situations like this.”

He coughed and said, ”Why aren’t you with your soulmate, and who is he or she?”

Her crystal blue eyes wide she said, ”I am with him.”

Severus’s eyes widened, ”How long have you... Known?”

Luna said softly, ”Since I was your student. That was the first time I felt your pain, Severus, your pain over Lily and the fact you couldn't save her. I tried my best, Severus, over the years to send you calming emotions. I tried my best to send you happiness, or at least peace. You were kind to me, and let me see something that you didn't show others.

Severus, you are not unlovable. I have loved you since I was sixteen. I knew that I couldn't tell you during the war. It wasn't safe for either of us if I did. Or my father for that matter. But, now the war is over and I want to be whatever you would have me as. If not being with me, at least allow me to be your friend?”

Severus reached out his hand towards her, and Luna took it.

He said, ”I want to try, late at night I use to feel like I wasn't alone. Like someone cared about me. When I wanted to give up, Luna, I could feel it. I now know that was you. Why wouldn't I give this a shot when you without me knowing have always been my reason to keep going. You deserve better, but I don't think I could send you away if I tried, Luna.

I am far too selfish to send away the woman who was my light in the darkness... My moon.”

Severus could not say another word if he tried, his throat felt as if he had swallowed fire itself, but all that needed to be said had been said.

He shut his eyes, they could talk more tomorrow he hoped that they would have a long time together. For once in his life, it seemed he would have something good. For once he would comprehend what it would be to be loved by someone and to love them.

**************************

The memories of Severus’s life flooded his mind, everything felt so close, but also so far away. His childhood, Lily, the time he spent teaching, taking his children to their first day of school, that boat ride with Luna, kissing her under the stars. Everything and anything. But soon the clock would strike midnight and he would be gone. He would be dead and it made him want to vomit.

Luna was going to have to go on without and that made him feel dreadful. She like a light in his life, she was where he felt safe and she was the mother of his children.

Lysander Severus sat in the chair closest to the window. His hair was as black as midnight, his skin as pale as sheets, his eyes a silvery blue he was a true mixture of his parents. He could be considered downright sullen to those who did not know him, but he was one of the kindest people his father had ever met.

Shockingly, he was a Hufflepuff.

Eileen Pandora sat next to her mother. Her pale silver hair fell into her face. She was a Slytherin and had become Hogwarts potion’s master last year. He teased her at times she was the second youngest professor, starting at the age of twenty-three.

Luna sat closest to Severus her hair reminded him of white gold or fairy wings she said to him, ”Severus are you in pain?”

He shook his head. In a sense, they knew the end was looming over them. The healer said, that she had no idea of exactly when it would come, but with the way his tests looked she only gave him a few months.

Severus wanted to leave this place, St Mungos, the smell burned his nose. The lights, muggle, florescent he believed they were called only gave him a headache. He was here recovering from the surgery that was their best shot at trying to make sure he lived long enough to see Lysander’s children attend preschool. Was that too much to ask for? Was that too much to dream of? To live long enough the twins remembered him?

Seemed it was.

Luna said softly, her blue eyes reminding him of the rain, “The healer said you should be able to go home tomorrow.”

Severus nodded and Luna realized that her husband was just slightly numb to it all. He patted the bed, climbed and his wife curled into him. The statement dying is easy and living is harm was utter crap. When you had something to lose? Dying was incredibly hard it felt as if some demon had decided to rake him against the coals of life.

Luna was humming softly, Severus couldn't tell what it was, but it was beautiful. His eyelids heavy he drifted off to sleep.

**************************

They had gotten a year together Luna and Severus. A beautiful lovely year, that was idyllic in the way the rest of their life had been together. Luna, however, seemed as if she had age decades. But, her eyes, her beautiful sea blue eyes showed her pain. She smiled and laughed, she reminded him that they still had their joy in such a horrible time.

Their love could last longer than a lifetime, they were soulmates, tied together for all time. In this world and then next.

Severus knew the words he was going to speak before he spoke them, ”I wish I had been truly worthy of your love, Luna.”

She said to him, ”Severus, you have always been worthy of my love, always.”


End file.
